I’ve thought about writing this for a few days, actually. We’ve had a rough couple of months in our family. Around Thanksgiving time we lost our sweet Daisy, who was our rescue pitty. We had her since the twins were babies, and being that they’re about to turn 11, it was a huge blow for all 3 kids. She was fiercely protective, loyal and loving and her passing felt like such a huge blow. The December prior, we lost my Nana. She was 99 and an absolute legend. She lived through WWII and we all looked up to her so much. Both losses felt life changing, and a dark cloud seemed to settle over me. I just didn’t feel like I could see the light anymore. Fast forward to this January…my mom had some weird episodes where she didn’t feel right, got super shaky and dizzy, and at one point fell onto her toilet rather than sitting on it. We were told 2x by the ER here in town that it absolutely wasn’t a stroke. Well, the 3rd time she started feeling “weird,” I told her, we’re driving a few towns over because their ER is highly spoken of. She stayed overnight, they did tons of tests, and lo and behold, she had a stroke. At this point, it was mid February. So she had been walking around for a month, undiagnosed, having had a stroke from a blood clot.
Needless to say, it’s been dark and scary recently. Like I mentioned before, I just couldn’t seem to get myself out of this mindset of doom and gloom. I didn’t like the feeling at all, because even on my bad days, I really like to at least try to see whatever small bit of light I have in my day. I recalled that I used to watch a self motivating movie called “The Secret” and just hadn’t watched it in awhile. Not the one with Katie Holmes…but the actual self help doc or whatever it’s classified as. For whatever reason, it helps me to focus on being grateful and seeing all the positives in my life. I watched it, and let me tell you, did it ever reset my brain! Don’t get me wrong, the past few days have also presented their own challenges. I had tensed myself up so badly that I had to go to the chiropractor 2x this week due to a tensed up neck, we overdrew our account trying to pay bills, and as icing on the cake…I had to get a mammogram today lol.
All that being considered…I’m realizing that I’ve reset my brain so much by watching that documentary. I’m in a completely different mindset about everything we’re going through.
I may have messed up my neck, but I’m able to go to the chiropractor. We may have overdrawn ourselves, but we had enough savings to cover it. I may have had to have a mammogram, which is awful feeling to be honest, but my technician was absolutely the sweetest woman, they got me in early, and it went really quickly.
With the loss and disappointment we’ve faced in the past year and a half, it would be easy to sink down into myself and wallow. And you know what, for awhile there, I did absolutely that. Finally, though, I’ve slapped myself back into positive thinking and I’ve realized how fortunate we truly are. We might not live in the perfect location currently, but we have a warm house that meets our current needs and is cozy. Our vehicles are dependable and fit our family. We’ve got our health, and good insurance for those times our health is a little questionable. Most importantly, we have each other. We are truly blessed beyond belief!
It’s important to remember the influential people/pets in our lives, to pay homage to how amazing they were and the impact they had in who we’ve turned out to be. I know for a fact, though, that neither my Nana nor my sweet Daisy Mae would want us to continue feeling miserable and sad. For awhile there, I feel like I was a bit resentful even, of anyone who got to spend more time with my Nana than I did. I finally realized that these feelings are wasted. My Nana never would have wanted these emotions for me. She would never have wished for me to feel anything other than happiness.
So, here’s to all the Nanas and Daisies of the world. Cherish them if you still have them with you, and remember them fondly if they’ve passed on. As the sign hanging above my slider door says, “Live Life Gratefully.” <3
